This year I got poison ivy early, while the leaves were still
tiny red triangles and the roots came up with the myrtle I yanked from around
flowers. As poison ivy goes, it wasn't too bad. This means that it was
contained to the original areas of contact and itched to the shrieking point
for several days, during which a few new blisters arose to itch furiously for
more days. After that it gave up.
The flaky scabs were no sooner gone than I was attacked by a new furious itching, along
the seam lines of my pants. I thought it would go away when I removed the
offending garment, but as I watched, lumps arose, split, and oozed. Hives, I thought. I'd never endured them
before. I assumed they would follow the same itch cycle of poison ivy, and that
after 4 days the worst would be over.
Unlike poison ivy, this
itch can be reduced by regular doses of antihistamine. It is unimpressed by calamine lotion and the
colorless gel versions of anti-itch ointment. It completely ignores anti-itch creams
with hydrocortisone. It blinks a bit at
rubbing alcohol and Listerine, but the only thing that really dulls the wildly infuriating itch is Walfinate D at
very regular intervals. By which I mean that if I should miss the mark by even
10 minutes, I am in for hours of an all-consuming desire to scratch. By the
clock it is only an hour, but it seems like hours, and I am not always
successful at refraining from scratching.
Online descriptions of hives are unintentionally alarming. First
it says that the outbreak can evaporate overnight. I expected a few days, but
we've gone beyond "a few." The next version has a proper latinate
name meaning that it goes away in less than 6 weeks. As you can imagine, my eyebrows rose into the
stratosphere at this. A few days is two
or three. We are in Day Five. If
anything, the itching is more furious and the original bumps, confined to my
legs, have been joined by small outbreaks on my arms and torso. I don't want 6
weeks of this.
The next latinate name refers to hives that last longer than 6 weeks and up to
a year. I refuse to consider this.
Immediately before the hives arose, I was happily consuming
a beef enchilada at a favorite place that had recently acquired a new cook. A
bite of the leftover enchilada the next day caused more itching, which seems to
indicate that an unknown spice is the culprit. It could also have been complete
coincidence.
Hives sufferers are advised to wear lightweight loose
clothing. Pajamas, anyone? As long as I am vertical, the itching is an
annoying niggle than can be ignored. It is when I am horizontal and trying to
sleep that my skin turns to fire and superhuman effort is required not to scratch.
I'm not even sure why I shouldn't scratch. Scratching with poison ivy spreads
the little oily annoyance. With this,
which I am calling hives in the absence of definitive proof that it is not, those lumps
which split and oozed itch less than the smaller bumps which rise and subside
according to my antihistamine intake.
So. Hives does not (do not?) threaten my life, but my
tolerance for the foibles of others is greatly diminished. Those of you who
delight in poking trolls are doubtless inclined to ask, "How can you tell?" You
feel safe in doing so because you are out of reach.
